The New Palace Project Shout Out Chat Room

7/19/2008

Random ramblings from a random randomizer.....

I don't know what to talk about today. I got country music playing in my computer, I saw the Dark Knight today, I have a column to do to pick the Bash, I have autograph sessions ALL OVER my area, and I'm not attending one, and I just can't seem to get out of my own way.

My leg has been a constant pain, literally. It's not infected, but it hurts like hell. But, that's not enough for a schmuck like me, I have to have the constant disease of butterflies in the stomach pretty much 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Anxiety is, by far and away, the most dehabilitating condition on the planet. It can make one person run like a raving lunatic, and make the next person not want to move. Here I am, with projects galore. I haven't done a podcast in how long, I don't visit the board because I just haven't had the motivation.

That's not an insult to the members of the board here, and I hope some others do visit. I simply just have not had the attention span to even drop in. That's how dehabilitating my mind and emotions can be to me.

I realize after watching the Dark Knight, which by the way, is an amazing movie, that I do not have my wallet in my possession. I am in Westbury at the time, and my home is 25 minutes away. For 25 minutes, I literally stewed like a boiling tea kettle. I found the wallet safe and sound, but I blew my cork. Not at anyone but me.

But, because of this, I was a fucking mess for the rest of the night. that's not fair. that's not fair to the people I care about the most, and that's not fair to me. I know I am partially to blame, but there has been a source of my despair and anger and frustration and apathy, and as God as my witness, I will figure out a way to eliminate it before it eliminates me, permanently.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Hey Mike, you've got to relax. Find a way to unwind. If you take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive! You need to take a step back, and clear your head.

You know we at the board are here for you if you need to vent.

Take care!